Dear Friends in Christ Jesus,
I greet you today with the hope that you are each well and safe as social distancing continues to keep us apart. You are in my heart and in my prayers each day during this time of constant change and uncertainty. I’m thankful for each of you and for all of you. What a wonderful community of believers!
You might have seen and read the letter from Bishop Bickerton that was sent on April 22nd. As usual, he provides a lot of very helpful support and care for the churches, pastors and laity of the Conference during this challenging time. In the letter, he states that United Methodist churches will remain closed until at least May 24th and we will abide by his direction. We will begin to plan for ways to worship, share communion, and fellowship safely so we are ready and things are in place when church reopens. As you know, one of the reasons for the low number of infections in our area is that we have been practicing social distancing – which is really a great gift to us and our community, though it hasn’t been easy! Some of us are finding this easier to manage than others, but everyone is going through similar adjustment challenges.
The fact is that the COVID-19 epidemic is causing us all, people everywhere, to experience grief. Remember, grief is something we go through every time there is any kind of change. Grief isn’t limited to times of death or loss of loved ones, grief can even occur at times of great happiness. And certainly we are all grieving now. We may know people who have died from the coronavirus. We may know people who know people….who have died. We may know or have family members who are health care workers and who are overwhelmed and exhausted and worried about their own health and that of their loved ones. We might be grieving the change in long-time plans and activities as schools are closed, sports events are cancelled, graduation celebrations are put on hold or abandoned. Some of us are grieving job losses, decline in retirement funds, and the sense of security we once had about our future. And speaking of the future, we are also grieving the confidence we had in plans that, until recently, felt safe and certain. Now things feel unsafe and less that certain. So, as we continue to adapt to the changes taking place, remember that you and others around you at home, in the community, in our nation and in the world are grieving, too. And grief plays out in the ways we express ourselves and behave. Remember the stages of grief? Let’s look at them, separately:
Denial: Wanting to go back to the way things were. Forgetting the present reality or being dismissive of it. People in denial right now are the ones who are holding on to the time before the coronavirus as what we’ll go back to or who are pushing us to get over/get past this time. They are denying the reality and are searching for the former things that gave them a sense of security. Be wary of saying or thinking we’re “going back”.
Bargaining: Wanting to get out of the discomfort of the situation and trying to negotiate things – with God or with others – to go back to what used to be the norm. Sometimes this involves trying to get God to do things for us – if we do things for God. It is another way of looking for former security and comfort and to be relieved of the grief the changes have brought. Be wary of saying/thinking “if only”.
Depression: We know this one! We don’t feel like doing things we once enjoyed. We eat too much or too little or eat what we crave for comfort. We sleep more or less than usual. We lack energy or interest in life. We feel lonely and are missing all that we used to enjoy – and the security we felt before life changed. Be wary of long-term behavior changes and contact your MD if you seem to be depressed all/most of the time.
Anger: This plays out in so many ways as we humans grieve. We may be short-tempered with ourselves and others. We can become explosive over small things. We are less patient or when we get to the end our patience we may be unable to regain our sense of balance. We think if we fight something/anything we’ll muscle through this time and everything will go back to “normal”. Be wary of letting anger be your “go to” emotion. Release energy with exercise or talking out your feelings or writing them down. Release the energy in a productive way so it doesn’t explode out of you.
Acceptance: This isn’t believing we’re victims of the virus or of God’s will or of poor leadership or any of the others that we might “blame” for what we’re experiencing. Acceptance is believing that God is with us in this time and that God will be with us as we move from what used to be to what is to be. God is in the future and God will help us as we grieve the past and embrace the new possibilities that are before us. Be wary of jumping too quickly into statements that sound accepting. Process your way to true and lasting acceptance by acknowledging the other stages of grief are important ways that we heal and become ready for acceptance.
You may find the stages of grief helpful as we watch the news and as the changes the coronavirus brings to our lives continues to unfold. I see denial and anger in the people who are holding rallies and acting out against the restrictions caused by social distancing or job losses. I recognize some depression in myself as I miss all of you and my family and friends. We may all have tried some bargaining, especially with God, to “make this go away”. We will certainly find ourselves experiencing all of these stages of grief to one degree or another. Remember, they come and go. We may have more than one grief stage happening within us at a time. The stages don’t progress in any pattern – so we might be accepting one day only to find ourselves angry and depressed the next.
I expect we will be talking about grief and healing more in the coming weeks. Today I’m asking you to remember that the disciples and others throughout the ages have gone through what we’re going through in their own ways and times. With God’s help they made their way to each new beginning and resurrection. So, I’m asking that we all (myself included) be patient with ourselves, with one another and with those around us. By and large, I find people are being kinder and more polite. Isn’t that wonderful! It’s kindness that can help make this time better and easier for us and for others. Remember to be kind. Offer thanks directly to those who are helping us – mail carriers, delivery people, medical workers, grocery and other store employees. And when we find ourselves struggling or encounter challenging people, try to respond and not react. People are acting out because of grief and beneath the grief there is the fear of the unknown that lies ahead, causing us to want to cling to the past. So when we encounter challenging times or people – Stop to breathe. Breathe again. And breathe yet again. And as we breathe, turn to God in prayer. Breathing connects us with the Spirit of God and reminds us that God is with us so that can respond to the situation with kindness. What a wonderful way to demonstrate acceptance of what is happening while also showing our faith that God is with us! What a positive way to shape the new reality we are entering – with confidence and faith! What a way to shout our Alleluias! Christ is Risen! God is with us!
Remember, we will make it through this time and we can even “thrive our way through it” because God is with us. Know that I love you and I need you to survive. God be with you!
Peace,
Pastor Betsy
