Author: Deborah Kearney

My dear friends in Christ,

What a disappointment it is after a few warm days as we return to January temperatures in early May!  It just seems to make the social distancing a little bit more burdensome when the weather continues to play havoc with our lives and our plans.  Sigh!  I guess we all just need to remind ourselves that it will be warm and sunny with bright blue skies again.  In the meantime we watch and wait.

Watching and waiting is a good way to describe what’s going on as we continue our social distancing and the church remains closed.  I forwarded a letter from Bishop Bickerton to you this week and the latest news is that churches are not to open at all in May.  We are on a hold until we hear more, but even June is still uncertain.  The reality is that this is a slow process.  Decisions must be made about how people will gather, what events/activities will be allowed, what numbers of people can be in one place – it’s very challenging and the weight of making a wrong choice is very hard for all involved.  We must care for those who are at high risk for infections and we also need to be aware that we don’t even have all the information about who and how people are coming into contact with COVID-19.  So, we watch and we wait until we have a clear or at least better plan for how we will be together again. 

Work at the church continues with painting of bathrooms and the kitchen.  We are planning to paint the sanctuary floor boards and have discovered some other things that are priorities for the trustees in the coming weeks.  At least we are making a positive use of this shutdown to have a healthy, safe and pleasant building for our congregation and community use when we come together again.  Some volunteers, the staff and I are in and out of the building during the week, so don’t be surprised if you see our cars in the parking lot.  However, we are still closed to all use except the Food Pantry.  Once we’re open again, we’ll be sure to let you know!

The Food Pantry hasn’t had as much use as we expected in these first weeks of the pandemic.  However, we know that there are feeding programs through the school that probably won’t continue past the usual end of the school year so we expect greater demand during the summer or as unemployment and loss of income continue to take a toll on family and individual resources.  We will update you on any needs we have moving ahead and are grateful for all the financial contributions and support given. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about all the changes we’re going through, personally, in our community and in the world.  Change is what happens on the “outside” of a situation.  Transitioning is what happens within us as we adjust/adapt to the change.  There are steps to transitioning through change just as there are steps in the grief and grieving process (see my article for April 30^th on grief.).  Let’s look for a moment at how we adapt to change which I have adapted from an article from the Center for Creative Leadership titled “How to Transition Through Change”:

Stage 1 – Transitioning:  Accepting the Ending 
This stage is exactly what it sounds like.  Three strategies to accept an ending are:

• Admit to ourselves and others that a change has occurred and be as honest as possible about feelings and grief process.  Part of navigating through grief and accepting an ending is expressing the change that has occurred. 
• Next, actively seek information about the nature of the change without judgment.
• Begin to pay attention to what has been lost and also to look for what has been gained by the change. 

Stage 2 – Live in the Neutral Zone 
This is probably the most uncomfortable part of the change process because it is a time of confusion, with no clear ending or beginning in site.  Four strategies to help:

• Realize that uncertainty is a natural part of the process and don’t expect to know everything or expect perfection from yourself or others.  Accept limitations and acknowledge that everyone is learning as they go.
• Set short-term goals to move forward.  Focus on accomplishing things that are doable and fit the time frame you’re in.  Enjoy the sense of accomplishment!
• Look back and acknowledge what you had while looking forward to new possibilities.  Embrace them both and be thankful for the ways the past has prepared you for the future. 
• Connect to your values especially when confused or when you are feeling overwhelmed.  This is the time to draw on your personal values and beliefs to help you through. 

Stage 3 – Reach Your New Beginning 
Think of this time as an opportunity to have a fresh start in a changed environment.  Try these strategies to help:

• Jump in to meet new people or give people you may have not known well before a place in creating the new beginning with you.  Changed dynamics open possibilities for new relationships. 
• Create ways to address new/emerging challenges while keeping the focus on the reason(s) for the change and the focus on new opportunities.
• Mark and celebrate successes and small gains. 

Remember that nearly all of us find change, especially unplanned or unwanted change, difficult.  However, change is a reality of life.  In fact, change IS the reality of life.  Nothing stays the same.  Each day, when finished, ends as a new day begins.  Accepting and then embracing what that means is key to dealing effectively and positively to change. As we continue to move forward through this time, remember we are in God’s care.  God made the sun rise and set each day, designed the seasons, and brings surprising winds of winter into spring and spring like moments of warmth and sun into the season of winter rest.  God knows and understands change as a time of opportunity to have a fresh start and see life from a new perspective.  With God’s help and support we will come through this time and find a new possibility waiting for us.  So, as we adapt, we can be leaders through this transition as we help others who are struggling to adjust to a different reality.  As we lead, we are witnesses to our belief that: God is good all the time – All the time God is good!

In the meantime, I hold you all in my prayers.  I love you and I need you to survive.

Peace,
Pastor Betsy

Dear Friends in Christ Jesus,

I greet you today with the hope that you are each well and safe as social distancing continues to keep us apart.  You are in my heart and in my prayers each day during this time of constant change and uncertainty.  I’m thankful for each of you and for all of you.  What a wonderful community of believers!

You might have seen and read the letter from Bishop Bickerton that was sent on April 22^nd.  As usual, he provides a lot of very helpful support and care for the churches, pastors and laity of the Conference during this challenging time.  In the letter, he states that United Methodist churches will remain closed until at least May 24^th and we will abide by his direction.  We will begin to plan for ways to worship, share communion, and fellowship safely so we are ready and things are in place when church reopens.  As you know, one of the reasons for the low number of infections in our area is that we have been practicing social distancing – which is really a great gift to us and our community, though it hasn’t been easy!  Some of us are finding this easier to manage than others, but everyone is going through similar adjustment challenges. 

The fact is that the COVID-19 epidemic is causing us all, people everywhere, to experience grief.  Remember, grief is something we go through every time there is any kind of change.  Grief isn’t limited to times of death or loss of loved ones, grief can even occur at times of great happiness.  And certainly we are all grieving now.  We may know people who have died from the coronavirus.  We may know people who know people….who have died.  We may know or have family members who are health care workers and who are overwhelmed and exhausted and worried about their own health and that of their loved ones.  We might be grieving the change in long-time plans and activities as schools are closed, sports events are cancelled, graduation celebrations are put on hold or abandoned.  Some of us are grieving job losses, decline in retirement funds, and the sense of security we once had about our future.  And speaking of the future, we are also grieving the confidence we had in plans that, until recently, felt safe and certain.   Now things feel unsafe and less that certain.  So, as we continue to adapt to the changes taking place, remember that you and others around you at home, in the community, in our nation and in the world are grieving, too.  And grief plays out in the ways we express ourselves and behave.  Remember the stages of grief?  Let’s look at them, separately:

Denial:  Wanting to go back to the way things were.  Forgetting the present reality or being dismissive of it.  People in denial right now are the ones who are holding on to the time before the coronavirus as what we’ll go back to or who are pushing us to get over/get past this time.  They are denying the reality and are searching for the former things that gave them a sense of security.  Be wary of saying or thinking we’re “going back”.

Bargaining:  Wanting to get out of the discomfort of the situation and trying to negotiate things – with God or with others – to go back to what used to be the norm.  Sometimes this involves trying to get God to do things for us – if we do things for God.  It is another way of looking for former security and comfort and to be relieved of the grief the changes have brought.  Be wary of saying/thinking “if only”. 

Depression:  We know this one!  We don’t feel like doing things we once enjoyed.  We eat too much or too little or eat what we crave for comfort.  We sleep more or less than usual.  We lack energy or interest in life.  We feel lonely and are missing all that we used to enjoy – and the security we felt before life changed.  Be wary of long-term behavior changes and contact your MD if you seem to be depressed all/most of the time.   

Anger:  This plays out in so many ways as we humans grieve.  We may be short-tempered with ourselves and others.  We can become explosive over small things.  We are less patient or when we get to the end our patience we may be unable to regain our sense of balance.  We think if we fight something/anything we’ll muscle through this time and everything will go back to “normal”.    Be wary of letting anger be your “go to” emotion.  Release energy with exercise or talking out your feelings or writing them down.  Release the energy in a productive way so it doesn’t explode out of you. 

Acceptance:  This isn’t believing we’re victims of the virus or of God’s will or of poor leadership or any of the others that we might “blame” for what we’re experiencing.  Acceptance is believing that God is with us in this time and that God will be with us as we move from what used to be to what is to be.  God is in the future and God will help us as we grieve the past and embrace the new possibilities that are before us.  Be wary of jumping too quickly into statements that sound accepting.  Process your way to true and lasting acceptance by acknowledging the other stages of grief are important ways that we heal and become ready for acceptance. 
You may find the stages of grief helpful as we watch the news and as the changes the coronavirus brings to our lives continues to unfold.  I see denial and anger in the people who are holding rallies and acting out against the restrictions caused by social distancing or job losses.  I recognize some depression in myself as I miss all of you and my family and friends.  We may all have tried some bargaining, especially with God, to “make this go away”.  We will certainly find ourselves experiencing all of these stages of grief to one degree or another.  Remember, they come and go. We may have more than one grief stage happening within us at a time.  The stages don’t progress in any pattern – so we might be accepting one day only to find ourselves angry and depressed the next.   

I expect we will be talking about grief and healing more in the coming weeks.   Today I’m asking you to remember that the disciples and others throughout the ages have gone through what we’re going through in their own ways and times.  With God’s help they made their way to each new beginning and resurrection.   So, I’m asking that we all (myself included) be patient with ourselves, with one another and with those around us.  By and large, I find people are being kinder and more polite.  Isn’t that wonderful!   It’s kindness that can help make this time better and easier for us and for others.  Remember to be kind.  Offer thanks directly to those who are helping us – mail carriers, delivery people, medical workers, grocery and other store employees.   And when we find ourselves struggling or encounter challenging people, try to respond and not react.  People are acting out because of grief and beneath the grief there is the fear of the unknown that lies ahead, causing us to want to cling to the past.  So when we encounter challenging times or people – Stop to breathe.  Breathe again.   And breathe yet again.  And as we breathe, turn to God in prayer.   Breathing connects us with the Spirit of God and reminds us that God is with us so that can respond to the situation with kindness.  What a wonderful way to demonstrate acceptance of what is happening while also showing our faith that God is with us!  What a positive way to shape the new reality we are entering – with confidence and faith!   What a way to shout our Alleluias!  Christ is Risen! God is with us! 

Remember, we will make it through this time and we can even “thrive our way through it” because God is with us.  Know that I love you and I need you to survive.  God be with you!

Peace,
Pastor Betsy

My dear friends in Christ,

Greetings to you in the name of our risen Savior, Jesus Christ!

Who knew when we closed the church for worship and other non-essential activities on March 15th that we would still be apart more than a month later?  It has been a much longer time than most of us ever expected.  Part of the reason is that we haven’t really lived through anything like this before.  Recently, I’ve had several conversations with friends and church members, and we’ve realized through this that none of us has any real experience with a quarantine.  I was born not long after the polio vaccine became available and never had to worry about that horrible disease.  Penicillin was also around throughout my life and so I was never quarantined due to infections like the whooping cough, scarlet fever, measles and other illnesses that quarantined my mother and others in her generation.   The truth is that none of us born post WWII has been through anything like this or even had to stay home for many illnesses other than the usual flus and colds and stomach upsets.  We have been very privileged and we have forgotten how common it has been throughout history to be watchful about the spread of diseases.  My grandmother, who grew up in NY City during the early 1900’s always wore gloves, not because she was fussy or wanted to be “overdressed”.  No, it was a protection against germs like tuberculosis and the influenza of that time and she wore gloves when “going out” her entire life.  We gave a lot of that up as “fussy” back in the 1960’s but may see the return of gloves and other forms of protection as we continue to figure out ways to stay safe with the coronavirus.  As we relearn how to protect ourselves and others I believe we are going through a huge cultural transformation and that only time will tell us all the changes that will come about. 

Here are United Ministry, we are becoming very aware of the changes already taking place as we continue to worship with our weekly “broadcast”.  I am grateful that so many of you are participating and finding the worship to be supportive and helpful.  Thanks again to all those who are making this possible!  We have received a grant and are purchasing equipment that will build on this ministry as we move ahead.  Soon, we’ll be able to live stream the Message and all other portions of the service so that we can be together ‘face to face” even when we’re apart.  We will continue to update you as things progress. 

Our church remains closed to all outside and church use – with the exception of the Food Pantry.  This assures the safety of people who may come and go from the building at this time.  Deb Kearney has been working remote from home and checking in at the office once each week.  The mail is being received and checks are deposited weekly by Edie Campbell.  We have been holding regular church committee meetings by Zoom and conference call.  Laura Clark is paying our bills and handling all the financial matters, remotely.  I have been working from home, responding to emails and providing the worship each Sunday and during Holy Week.  I also go to the church for a “check in” at least once a week.  Evelyn Jacksto continues to clean the building and is taking this time to do a thorough reorganizing of all areas, including closets and storage rooms.  Pat Nabinger has cleaned the music room areas and reorganized some of her work supplies.  Pam Savage has done similar work in the Playschool.  The staff has continued to be busy even though not always visible.  The reason?  We are having a professional building cleaning which will start on 4/20 and continue until all areas (upstairs and down) have been cleaned.  This includes, carpets, furnishings and chairs.  We are getting ready for the time when we can return for worship and restart our ministries to the community in a freshly cleaned building. 

So when do we get back?  The answer is – not yet.  It appears, based on the news today, that there is talk of reopening in New York State around May 15^th.  The Playschool will follow the schedule provided by NY State and Delaware Academy.  If they open, we will be open.  The church will probably follow, and it is likely that our activities will resume once we return to worship together.  We can expect that worship may be different, as well.   For example, it is possible that we will be required to wear masks, to sit six or more feet apart from anyone not living in our home, and to avoid touching or shaking hands.  We will be using a different system for Holy Communion that assures minimal contact.  We may or may not be sharing coffee hours or potluck meals, though we could probably have fellowship times with “bag lunches”.  It will be different – but that’s not what really matters.  What matters is the good news and that we will be together.  We will see the friends we have missed for this time.  We will be allowed to come together to praise the God who is with us always and who is guiding and supporting us in this time.  We will be able to witness to our belief that God is good and that the future is bright and full of hope!  Praise God!

As soon as there are any updates, an announcement will be made.  In the meantime, let’s keep on keeping on!

Peace,
Pastor Betsy